losing direction, losing the aim of studying my university.
i cant help but keep doubting what are the purposes of what im doing now.
juggling time between fyp report and the only subject.
people may envy me for having a lot of spare time.
but they didnt comprehend the feeling of doing nothing in a long term can actually be destructive.

im uncertain if i had chosen correctly for the fyp.
i feel no sense of belonging, i feel being treated like cheap slave, i feel im nothing.
i once read, we shall not put all blame to ourselves.
do anything you can change, and let faith to decide the consequence.
i indeed, never run out of my onus, i didnt make stuff goes wrong.
perhaps,  i might not a skillful lab-doer, i might not ace in the gpa, but i did respect, everyone im dealing with.
im still vividly remember the golden phrase from miss lai, everything begins with respect.
i believe, im trying, hoping someone can feel it.

i was so struggling until i beg to switch for a new supervisor at the first place, i cannot blame that i put trust to the wrong person, i know i bear the final call.
the lesson learned is that never be forceful to pursue something that seemingly not belong to you, thing does not go as beautiful as you thought when it comes to an end.

without apparent reason im foreseeing my remaining 7 weeks of my last semester is going to end with  no big deal.
to make matter worse, life after graduation can never be this uncertain before.
dislike the spamming system of all the available job websites application, which makes no meaning except the feeling of searching needle on the floor.

attended the networking lunch seems so wrong for me.
once again push me to the reality that im so reluctant to step forward to the working society.
fake some smile, socialize with good business etiquette, think of correct topic to roll on a conversation, is merely literally not me, not at all.
am i going to survive after few months time which my working life is officially begin.
am i going to strive for it.

i dont like the feeling of chasing over grades, i dont know what is wrong until one night i abruptly recall i was this slack and free and easy person in the entire studying life of mine.
without noticing the attitude that once i hated, has fallen to my ownself.

in a nut shell for the above random crap,
it is an identity searching journey, it is currently the beginning, and the starting phase is not too good but bumpy, as usual.