losing direction, losing the aim of studying my university.
i cant help but keep doubting what are the purposes of what im doing now.
juggling time between fyp report and the only subject.
people may envy me for having a lot of spare time.
but they didnt comprehend the feeling of doing nothing in a long term can actually be destructive.

im uncertain if i had chosen correctly for the fyp.
i feel no sense of belonging, i feel being treated like cheap slave, i feel im nothing.
i once read, we shall not put all blame to ourselves.
do anything you can change, and let faith to decide the consequence.
i indeed, never run out of my onus, i didnt make stuff goes wrong.
perhaps,  i might not a skillful lab-doer, i might not ace in the gpa, but i did respect, everyone im dealing with.
im still vividly remember the golden phrase from miss lai, everything begins with respect.
i believe, im trying, hoping someone can feel it.

i was so struggling until i beg to switch for a new supervisor at the first place, i cannot blame that i put trust to the wrong person, i know i bear the final call.
the lesson learned is that never be forceful to pursue something that seemingly not belong to you, thing does not go as beautiful as you thought when it comes to an end.

without apparent reason im foreseeing my remaining 7 weeks of my last semester is going to end with  no big deal.
to make matter worse, life after graduation can never be this uncertain before.
dislike the spamming system of all the available job websites application, which makes no meaning except the feeling of searching needle on the floor.

attended the networking lunch seems so wrong for me.
once again push me to the reality that im so reluctant to step forward to the working society.
fake some smile, socialize with good business etiquette, think of correct topic to roll on a conversation, is merely literally not me, not at all.
am i going to survive after few months time which my working life is officially begin.
am i going to strive for it.

i dont like the feeling of chasing over grades, i dont know what is wrong until one night i abruptly recall i was this slack and free and easy person in the entire studying life of mine.
without noticing the attitude that once i hated, has fallen to my ownself.

in a nut shell for the above random crap,
it is an identity searching journey, it is currently the beginning, and the starting phase is not too good but bumpy, as usual.

覺得，在丹麥三個月，被寵壞了。
我就是，RANDOM,EXTREME.
水瓶座，是這樣。

累了，
但，
這不是休息的時候，
一切才剛開始，
要繼續向前，
我會加油的。
一個人走，
不要因孤單而傷心，
而要應更堅強而開心。

why do the earth needs to bid goodbye
why do the earth needs you to farewell with all your beloved people

it makes you both meet, get used of each other existence side by side,
and it makes you leave each other and live few thousand miles away,
and it makes you wait for the next meet up.

why must things be so.
why happen  in family, in lovers, in friends.

i absolutely abhor the forced-to-change something you had already get used to.
is this also a part of growing?

long lost post

好久好久

沒有寫東西

大學第二年，

就這樣，完了。

那麼快的來，

那麼快的離開。

四個學期里

這應該還是

發生了最多事情的一個學期

參加了奧運化學比賽

讓知己知道

原來，我真的不適合讀化學，

原來，它真的不是我的興趣。

但是，也是因為它，

讓科系教授，更瞭解我

謝謝他的一番話，

謝謝他告訴我，

他對我的看法，

讓我，對未來的路，

有了那麼一點點點的頭緒。

也謝謝他，給了我一個機會，

暑假時，可以到丹麥實習三個月。

謝謝他。

我曾經，很討厭他，

因為我的國籍，

剝奪我去交換。

不管怎樣，

我知道，在這個時候，

如果有人肯給你一些指點，

是難得的，是應該感激的，

他不是義務幫你，

他只是以一個長輩的身份，

給你一些人生的指導。

在學期的最後一天，

也終於決定了FYP的教授，

我以後一年的老闆。

波折重重。

DR WU，

謝謝你的體諒，

我很感激，你願意接受我的反口，

我真的，很不好意思。

跟了DR WONG,

還在懷疑是不是好的選擇，

不管怎樣，

我只是想，學習，

我想，我的LAB SKILL 真的進步。

謝謝HAZEL，

你的意見，你的幫忙，你的支持，

再選FYP教授的那幾天，

我煩到你了，

我不會讓你失望。

上個月，

也和家裡吵了一場大架，

不知道爲什麽，

出來自己生活越久了，

就越覺得，

和家人想法出現分差，

我沒有意，

要傷害你們

我只是，很貪心

希望你們能支持，能體諒。

我想告訴你們，

雖然，我少跟你們談天了，

但是，我常常想家，向你們，

讓你們傷心，對不起。

謝謝你們的一切，

我不是乖女兒。

黃偉康，

謝謝你，

真的，很謝謝你，

謝謝你，在我一個人，

開心，不開心，

迷失方向的時候，

你總願意陪著我，

告訴我，應該怎樣。

謝謝你，在我申請VISA，

在整個灣仔迷失方向，

匆匆忙忙，擔心害怕，

找著一個快速拍證件照的店鋪，

在我旁邊，告訴我，要怎麼辦。

我常常迷路，

你也不會認路，

但是，我想，

兩個人一起尋找方向，

總好過一個人迷茫的尋找。

我常常對你發脾氣，

謝謝你的接受，你的不嫌棄

我會記得，你說，

要樂觀，要開心。

我常常在想，

如果你這個學期沒有在這裡，

我應該撐不到。

一個學期一次的考試

又來了

重複性，機械式的

溫習，做PAST PAPER， 上考場。

兩個星期后，

我一定會放自己心靈一個假，

我要回家，

我要讓爸媽知道，我愛他們。

我會做好准備，

好好珍惜丹麥的一切。

暑假回來，

我一定會比現在的我，

更進步。

i lost da cutlery that my mum gave me.feel so much like crying.i miss mummy,i miss home.can someone kind bring me away from here.i don't wanna live myself here.i dont wanna face all these alone.i miss when i have nothing to worry staying at home.i miss papa.T_T

feeling very hard to stay together with individualistic people everyday.. every conversation just sound so insulting.. unease feeling can never expressed. ihy.

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